Dear anonymous Asian female,
I'd like to start this answer with a poem I often reflect on:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
For
better or worse, you cannot change the color of your skin or the shape
of your eyes. These superficial aspects of your body are an intimate
part of who you are, as they comprise the first layer of your persona
that everyone encounters.
The key, then, is to learn to accept
them. They're part of you. And they're beautiful. Sure, you may have had
some acne or something thanks to the joys of puberty and its related
hormonal changes, but Asian skin is remarkably resilient. If you're like
most Asian women, you'll probably look 30 when you're 40, and your
youthful looks will have others growing green with envy. As for your
eyes, there have been billions of women who shared the shape of your
eyes and many have been thought amongst the most beautiful women in the
world. You literally possess the color of conquerors and the eyes of
empresses.
To put it simply, there's nothing wrong with having
Asian physical features; anyone who tells you otherwise is a fool, and
their hateful words are worth nothing. Be proud of your body. Keep it in
shape. Keep it clean. Dress comfortably and love yourself. You deserve
it.
All that said, I think your question has at its heart the
uncomfortable clash of culture that just about every Asian-American
faces. Each of us, I think, has tried to make ourselves "more" than the
ethnicity we are perceived to be a part of, particularly given that we
don't have the luxury of blending into the Caucasian background--we
stand out. If I may, I'd like to share with you a metaphorical approach
that helped me come to peace with the struggle I suspect you're having.
Your
motherland gave you the color of your skin, the shape of your eyes, the
sheen of dark hair, and an associated history that is filled with rich
heritage and culture. Your fatherland has given you the love of your
adoptive parents, the language you speak, the education you possess, and
the culture that you find comforting.
Consider this: if I asked
you to select one of your adoptive parents to sacrifice, would you be
able to easily pick one to instantly disappear from your life forever?
I certainly hope not!
So
in similar fashion, love both your parent lands. There's no need to
pick. They have each already given you remarkable and praise-worthy
aspects of the person you are. You are the child of two cultures, and
one is not superior to the other. They are both awesome. And when you
start to see that everything that makes you who you are is a gift and
opportunity to learn and become a more amazing human being, I think this
question of yours will solve itself.
The confidence required to
be proud of your ethnicity will never come from whether or not others
find your Asian features attractive; nor will it come from some easy
painless route. It has to come from within you, and realistically, this
will take time. But have courage! The withered sense of pride in your
ethnicity is something you can change. It will grow, if you give it a
bit of love each day. And one day, I hope you'll be able to pass this on
to someone else who needs it.
With love,
~Jae
