Ethnic Difference

Dear anonymous Asian female,
I'd like to start this answer with a poem I often reflect on:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
For better or worse, you cannot change the color of your skin or the shape of your eyes. These superficial aspects of your body are an intimate part of who you are, as they comprise the first layer of your persona that everyone encounters.
The key, then, is to learn to accept them. They're part of you. And they're beautiful. Sure, you may have had some acne or something thanks to the joys of puberty and its related hormonal changes, but Asian skin is remarkably resilient. If you're like most Asian women, you'll probably look 30 when you're 40, and your youthful looks will have others growing green with envy. As for your eyes, there have been billions of women who shared the shape of your eyes and many have been thought amongst the most beautiful women in the world. You literally possess the color of conquerors and the eyes of empresses.
To put it simply, there's nothing wrong with having Asian physical features; anyone who tells you otherwise is a fool, and their hateful words are worth nothing. Be proud of your body. Keep it in shape. Keep it clean. Dress comfortably and love yourself. You deserve it.
All that said, I think your question has at its heart the uncomfortable clash of culture that just about every Asian-American faces. Each of us, I think, has tried to make ourselves "more" than the ethnicity we are perceived to be a part of, particularly given that we don't have the luxury of blending into the Caucasian background--we stand out. If I may, I'd like to share with you a metaphorical approach that helped me come to peace with the struggle I suspect you're having.
Your motherland gave you the color of your skin, the shape of your eyes, the sheen of dark hair, and an associated history that is filled with rich heritage and culture. Your fatherland has given you the love of your adoptive parents, the language you speak, the education you possess, and the culture that you find comforting.
Consider this: if I asked you to select one of your adoptive parents to sacrifice, would you be able to easily pick one to instantly disappear from your life forever?
I certainly hope not!
So in similar fashion, love both your parent lands. There's no need to pick. They have each already given you remarkable and praise-worthy aspects of the person you are. You are the child of two cultures, and one is not superior to the other. They are both awesome. And when you start to see that everything that makes you who you are is a gift and opportunity to learn and become a more amazing human being, I think this question of yours will solve itself.
The confidence required to be proud of your ethnicity will never come from whether or not others find your Asian features attractive; nor will it come from some easy painless route. It has to come from within you, and realistically, this will take time. But have courage! The withered sense of pride in your ethnicity is something you can change. It will grow, if you give it a bit of love each day. And one day, I hope you'll be able to pass this on to someone else who needs it.
With love,
~Jae

Marriage

There is nothing wrong with marriage, as long as you are honest and truly believe that you have found the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.


You want to marry someone with whom you want to grow old,Someone whose happiness will mean the world to you. Whose sagging body will never affect you from loving him. Whose pain will hurt you as much as your own. Whose happiness will fill you with joy.

Marriage!

  

There's a beautiful quote from the movie 'Shall We Dance' in which the wife tries to explain why people get married. It struck a chord with me. It simply says that we marry because we need a witness to our lives.

We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does anyone's life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything -the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day.

You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

Catch the life!

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

Sevdiği gözünün önünde, ama sahip olduğu herşey arkasındaydı şimdi; gitgide hızlanıyordu araba, yol gitgide büyülü bir hal alıyordu üstelik.

Sıradan bir serüven, ratsgele bir ilişki
gibi başlayıp, gün günden hayatıma yayılan, büyüyüp kök salan ,
benliğimi kavrayıp, varlığımı ele geçiren bir aşka bedellendin. (M.Mungan)

en güzel yerlerinden kırılıyordu düşleri

Arta kalanlar

Günlerin bize getirdikleri her gün biraz daha alıyor içimizdeki güzel yerlerimizden, her gün biraz daha vuruyor güzel kalmış yerlerimizi - ve geriye insansız hava araçları bırakıyor işte. Her gün bir sebepten birileri ölüyor bu ülkede ve sınır komşumuzda süregelen sonu görünmeyen bir savaşı izler gibi izliyoruz olup biteni.

İçimizdeki en güzel yerlerimizden vuruyor bu savaş bizi- farkında değiliz. Yarın birgün insan çocuğuna nasıl açıklayacak bunca pisliği, öldürülen insanların çocukları büyümeyecek mi bir gün - onlar sormayacak mı bize ne yaptınız siz diye, Gerçi artık devlet insansız hava araçlarıyla çocuklarını vuracak kadar kaybetti kendini ve arkasından da sessiz yürüyüp gidecek kadar vurdumduymaz.


Geriye hep hüzünlü şarkılar ve sonu acıyla, kederle, ölümle biten hikayeler kalacak o topraklarda. Çocuklar o şarkılarla, o hikayelerle büyüyecek ve büyürken hep bilecek -burda onu bekleyen bir gelecek olmadığını, oyunları eksik, gülüşleri yarım, mutlulukları kırık kalacak çocukların hep. Küçücük yaşına rağmen deneyimledikleriyle anlayacak her an sıranın ona gelebileceğini.

(Yıldırım Türker, 01/01/2012 - O dağların çoban çocukları, küçük kaçakçıları kutlu bir yıla kavuşamadan mutlu olabilmemiz mümkün mü?)